The story below appeared in public http://theforgivenessproject.org.uk/
Descend from the top of this hill settlement in the city of Jenin was like going from paradise to hell.
As a child I had a very clear idea of \u200b\u200bwhat was patriotism. I grew up with images of the glorious battles of 1967 and wanted to be like those great heroes who had entered Israel in the Old City of Jerusalem.
In 1999, the year after I was drafted, was sent to me for the first time to the occupied territories, north of Nablus. It 'was very quiet and we have not seen any military action. The second time, however, was very different. The second intifada broke out and we had just been sent in a busy area near Jenin. Our base was a solution almost deserted call Kadim, who had only eight families remain. Descending from this settlement on the hill in the city of Jenin, was like going down from heaven into hell.
E 'was a totally insane time. Armed with guns attacked the boys who had only stones through the greenhouses of tomatoes and eggplant. We have been trained to believe that every Palestinian was a threat. By the fifth week, when all the Palestinian greenhouses had been destroyed and when we walked around, we have built trenches where soldiers once grew tomatoes and eggplant.
In April 2000, we were taken and sent to Hebron solution to a very religious where men wore kippahs head. One of the flasks the Israeli operation was the garden of Kaleb. Kaleb was a settler grew up among the vineyards in the heart of a small Palestinian town. Arivvò through his garden at 6 am and left at sunset and ten of us had the task of monitoring at any time. It was during a night where I became very frightened and began to think about what we were doing was ridiculous and redundant. Ten people's lives were endangered for the sake of an idiot winemaker.
Once out of the army units have been transferred to a reservist in 2006 and have been called back to Jenin. Our base was a checkpoint on a very small hill, fenced with high concrete walls. We wanted to conduct night raids and ambushes with tear gas just for the heck of it. For some it was fun, but I felt it was a thing without purpose. Later I was sent to Qualquiliya to serve in a checkpoint agriculture. Every morning, avrevamo a meeting on a big porch overlooking Tel Aviv. My commander points around the country trying to make us believe that this was the land that we must defend. They needed to give us a purpose. We said we would face many threats during our time of duty, including shootings and knife attacks, but the threat that has created more fear in us was that of Machsom Watch - a group of Israeli women peace activists who stand in silence with checkpoints to protest against the Israeli occupation. My senior officer said, 'Are you a Palestinian threat is very easy because you can shoot them in the head, but unfortunately you can not shoot the Machsom Watch'.
As it happened, on that same day, the Machsom Watch came to my checkpoint and I got to talk to a beautiful woman with gray hair that reminded me of my grandmother. I did not accept everything you said to me, but I was proud that she was there.
few months later, I was traveling in Germany, when I met a Palestinian from Ramallah who was working as a waiter. His name was Ahmed and told me a terrible story of how he had been arrested by Israeli security forces and kept a secret for ten days. The detective had put in a casket half filled with water and left him there for six days. He said the first day did not touch it. The second day was poo and pee on himself and his legs began to freeze. On the third day, screaming and yelling, and the fourth day he was praying for his life, promising to tell them what they wanted to know. He was very angry with the Israelis and said that in another time and place would have killed me.
What finally made me realize that violence was not the solution he was seeing on television the images della Israeli Defence Force (IDF) sul bombardamento alla periferia di Gaza con proiettili di artiglieria di fosforo. Nella formazione che avevamo sempre detto che era contro il Convenzioni di Ginevra per l'uso del fosforo, Ma giorno dopo giorno ho visto che queste bombe venivano usate e quindi ho sentito il portavoce militare israeliano negarlo a sera. Sentivo il mio mondo morale in collasso. Ero cresciuto credendo che l'esercito non ha mai mentito. Questo fu l'inizio di un nuovo modo di pensare per me. Ho scritto una lettera a mio comandante e dissi loro che non era più disposto a prendere parte ad un combattimento nei territori occupati palestinesi.
Come un israeliano provo così vergogna che il nostro esercito dica bugie. Inoltre, sentendo la storia Ahmed I felt even more shame. If I had the opportunity to meet again Ahmed I would say 'I would fight the war for you, but I want you to convince others that revenge is not the way forward'. I do not seek forgiveness from those I 'I hurt because I know that I would get it. Nor do I feel I have the right to forgive myself and be free of guilt, or sense of shame I feel. Forgiveness has to be something more practical that both sides can benefit. If the tunnel revenge transform it into something constructive, then this is forgiveness. '
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